Made worse by this son of a bitch Summer we’ve just had to endure. Seriously I would say that’s been the worse Summer for almost a decade. Luckily we didn’t get that one last year or there would have been all hell to pay. Anyway there you have it. We are in October now and boy is it delivering on its promise. Been pissing down all weekend. I was up in big fancy London on Friday night with the team. Far too many beers and one humongous hangover later and here we are… Sunday morning and I don’t want to get out of bed. Pffftttttt
October 2021
The big C
After a couple of heavy weekends I decided to take a lateral flow just to be sure I’m not one of those asymptomatic carriers. I’d forgotten just how uncomfortable it was scraping the rod against your tonsils and spinning it around inside what feels like your cranium. Anyway after a tense 30mins, only because I was watching the cube and that always stressing me out, I’m happy to see one line at the C position. All clear, carry on, nothing to see here.
They all crawling outta the woodwork
As our good friend Oscar Wilde once said there’s only thing worse than being talked about and that’s not being talked about. Well that applies to the #MeToo movement. It’s turning into a who was abused earliest competition this year. Last week blah blah blah revealed she was abused at age 17, now Gloria Estefan has revealed that she was abused at 9…. I’m now taking bets on who will be the first to reveal they were abused in the womb!!!!
You literally couldn’t make it up
So it’s been reported that Married First Sight UK’s contestant Nikita Jasmine has been removed from the show for excessive aggression! Jasmine, 26, from Durham, was asked to leave the E4 programme after “a situation escalated off camera”, according to a Channel 4 statement.
Now here’s the rub….She has apologised, Channel 4 said. Her agent declined to comment to the BBC. HER AGENT!!!!
So much for matching real people. It’s going down the same route as love island and big brother. From real people off the street to lips and tits pumped, wannabe actors with agents pretending to want to find love. Coming to a KFC near you soon!
September 2021
Conchita Maria Di Santiago
Yes it might be posing down like a monsoon morning and the temperature may have plummeted to witches tit freezing levels but that shouldn’t stop anyone from enjoying a good old tapas night. Thank Gawd for Lidl and their pedron peppers. This will probably be the last one of the season as I’m off to Ireland for effectively the rest of the year. But my my was it worth it. Just two words to describe ‘Yum Yum’!
October has arrived a week early
It’s chucking down with rain, temperatures have plummeted, and the large oak next door has started to puke it’s leaves all over the garden. October has arrived but it’s still September. Where’s our Indian Summer?? Where’s the Summer gone? What next…. Christmas before Halloween!!! Oh actually that is a regular occurrence.
The idiots prevail once more
There is a severe lack of societal consciousness in the UK at present. Since the pandemic, and probably before that with the Brexit vote, everyone seems to be more concerned with themselves than the greater good. It’s an ‘I’m all right mate’ culture. They have managed to panic buy all of the fuel and disrupted the entire fuel supply chain for no other reason than selfish greed. People who are genuinely in need are missing out because of these idiots.
We are living in a society of ones!!
G’dunk-G’dunk
So this is Dr Sineaid…. She’s totally brainy innit. You can tell by the wide eyes and inquisitive pose. Known for her theories on gut science and numerous publications in the medical journal of diabetes.
One of her lesser known theories however is that of the G’dunk-G’dunk phenomenon whereby the gaps between sections of train tracks cause friction thus slowing down overall journey times by up to 33%. The theory gets its name from the customary G’dunk-G’dunk sound made as the train passes over the connecting joint. Sheer brilliance. This alone could tackle the climate emergency by speeding up journey times and reducing energy usage plus your Costa Coffee will last for more of the journey. Well done Dr Sineaid.
You know it’s been a good weekend…
When Saturday evening feels like Sunday night!
The Aussie Gold Hunters Translator
It better not rain = It’s just about to piss down like gawd flushed the toilet
If we have one more breakdown we’ll be dead in the water = The machine is about to cook itself for dinner
The last thing we need is a dry week = Get the sun-loungers out